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Dear Fruitman... - The Atari Times

Dear Fruitman...

Frontrunning. The Next Generation
by Fruitman

June 28, 2001
First of all, I hate your name. Now to my story-

I enjoyed the on-line Jaguar Community for several years when I was younger and was involved with Jaguar Community United and Jag Fest.

But I got tired of my ol' Jag so I sold the games (and the Jag CD, Controllers, a bunch of stuff) to buy a Sega Saturn. After a couple months I sold that to get an N64, and after a couple months I traded that for a Dreamcast.

Now I love the Dreamcast and am pleased that the games are so cheap (money-wise). However, I might trade it in for a Gamecube a couple years from now.

I still have my Jaguar system, with the plugs and a controller. I actually might buy a Jag game (what are they, less than $5 now?) in the future.

Does all this stuff mean I'm a frontrunner? Do I jump the bandwagon too easily? And do "real" or "true" gamers look down on me? Most importantly, am I a jerk for selling my Atari Jaguar stuff for newer systems?

Thanks! And I still hate your name.

-Chad W.K. Ridgeway

Dear Chad,

The answers to your questions are as follows:

  1. If a "frontrunner" is a person who simply buys a game system to brag to his buddies that he has the latest and greatest, then yes, that's what you are. You were not a frontrunner when you bought the Jaguar however. Rather, a devoted Atari lunatic. Because those, are apparently the only ones who bought them. 

  2. Buying a non-Atari game system should take a great deal of consideration. Anyone who doesn't wait at least two years after a non-Atari system is released is a bandwagoneer. Why in the world would you buy a system that didn't have any good games? Take the PS2 for example. That black hole for money was released without a single classic Atari game released for it! And without those, buying it so quickly is an exercise in true stupidity.

  3. As I've said, "True Gamers" do not sell their systems. They horde as many games and systems as they can. "True Gamers" feel for each system as if it were one of their own children. Now, would you sell your children to get a better one? I hope not.

  4. The worst Atarian in the world is one who sells any of his Atari stuff. It should be a criminal offense, and those who do it should spend at least 10 years as the girlfriend of a big sweaty guy named Guido in the dirtiest, nastiest, prison in the country. No, you're not a jerk for selling your Atari. But you are a criminal in the eyes of every gamer and Atarian.

Now, lets get down to your real problem. I'm no Freud, but I think you must have seen your parents naked or something. You sound like you have a huge attention deficit. I can only imagine the horror of living life through your eyes. Not knowing love, being turned down by every girl you ask to dance, being laughed at by your closest friends for loving video games, being ignored by your peers even though you work harder and better than every stinkin' computer technician at the whole damn institute... Oh wait... That's me. Sorry.

Bottom Line: I think perhaps you have an attention span problem. How else do you explain getting a new game system every few months? The only solution to your problem is to send me all of your cash and check yourself into a mental institution. One that, preferably, does not have any video games in the lobby.

Oh, and as for the subject of names: You must have been ridiculed as a child with a name like yours. Chad? What kind of a crazy name is that, anyway? Sounds like a country in Africa. They must have called you "Africa-boy" or something. So sad...

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