Coconuts
This game will drive you...berzerk
By Darryl BrundageAugust 16, 2005
Thought I'd use a different adjective
there, right? :)
Telesys, R. I. P., I say thy name with reverence. This 2600 software
company emerged at the wrong time, not long before the video game crash
of 1983 - 1984, which was a shame, as they were quite a fine
company...so much that I pretty much place them up there with my other
favorite 2600 companies of Activision, Imagic and Starpath. They only
created half a dozen games, and, aside from not spending millions in
television ads to promote them, they mostly relied on word of mouth and
good reviews from the press, as I still have a letter from them dated
August, 1983 (which I had written to them requesting one of their
catalogs, which I also still have), stating that their games cost $15.00
each, which was a good deal, as they passed the savings onto the
consumer. (The letter also stated they were going to start making games
for personal computers as well; argh, the thought of the POSSIBILITIES
that could've happened with greater memory, resources and power than the
2600 at their disposal!)
They weren't really innovators, as most of their games were copies of
others: Stargunner was Telesys' version of Defender,
Demolition Herby was Amidar or Pepper II, Coconuts
was their version of Kaboom! (somewhat), etc. But the games were
mostly well-done, having fun, simple gameplay and usually very good
graphics for the 2600. Also, at least half of the games they released (Coconuts,
Ram It, and Fast Food) had a pause feature in between waves,
which was good, since the 2600 didn't have a pause button itself, and
only a handful of games for the system had this luxury feature (I guess
you could call it).
One thing that might have hurt Telesys' sales, though -- besides the
crash, I mean -- is that a lot of people probably judged their games by
their covers and passed them on by, thinking they were stupid and/or
kids games, which they weren't: the cross-eyed Demolition Herby
(with a wrecked police car behind him in his wake; shame, shame!), the
kid hanging onto his teddy bear on Cosmic Creeps (not to mention
the equally silly name of that game), and the nerdy guy on the cover of
Coconuts (who you would probably feel like giving a wedgie to if
you saw him in real life) probably didn't help, yet none of those games
were aimed at small children. (Actually, in my Telesys catalog, it
*does* claim that Coconuts is for pre-schoolers and young gamers,
but that's just flat-out wrong, since the game gets far too difficult
far too quickly, and there's really nowhere to go from there.)
I'm not a hardcore collector, and aside from getting a (hopefully!)
complete Starpath collection someday, I really don't feel a need to get
every game ever made from ____ company, although I might consider it for
Telesys just to be able to have it. I USED to have Demolition Herby,
but an ex-friend lost it (jerk!!!), but I still have Ram It and
Cosmic Creeps, which I want to get Stargunner and Fast
Food...but I'm still not positively sure I want this game or not.
Why not? Well, to back up to what I said a couple of paragraphs before,
where I stated their games were "MOSTLY" fun, as Coconuts is fast
and furious, all right...but it's difficulty level ramps up in too much
of a hurry, unfortunately.
In this game, you must control Stanley I. Presume (oh lord...and someone
please smack whoever wrote that bad joke), who, on the box cover, is a
more nerdy, older (which makes him scary as well) version of Harry
Potter, but with bigger glasses and a hole in one shoe (yeah, bet chicks
just *really* dig him), gleefully trying to dodge coconuts from "Coco,
the crazed monkey" (as it says in my Telesys catalog). Actually, due to
this and the gameplay, it seems like he's having TOO much fun hanging
around Coco, but...no, I think I'll leave out an obvious Michael Jackson
joke here.
Anyway, luckily Stanley in the game doesn't look anything like the
Stanley ("I presume?") on the cover, as he isn't nerdy-looking, although
he IS dressed in a blue outfit with brown shoes, so he's still a bit of
a fashion misfit, at least (but oh well, he's a *guy*, we usually don't
give a (*#! about having matching "outfits" [a word that isn't in a
guy's vocabulary as far as describing our wardrobes anyway, so I'll let
that one slide). He's also carrying an umbrella, which is also
blue...hmmm, I don't know which is worse, having a guy wearing a
non-matching outfit, or having an umbrella that DOES match pretty much
everything else...anyway, Stanley's severely well-drawn for a "person"
on a 2600 game, unlike those without faces or features (but huge noses,
like the "players" on Basketball) or ones that are pint-sized
(like in Montezuma's Revenge). Actually this game has great
graphics, with nice shades of brown for the palm trees, the coconuts
that Coco tosses have a shimmering effect as they fall down (which were
probably left over from an evil experiment, which I'll get to) and you
can even see the expression on Coco's face (which, as I stated in my
Berzerk review, is a reason why I hate smiley faces, as you KNOW
that damn monkey's gotta be up to something).
Unfortunately, even with as fast and easy it is to guide Stanley (I
*think*; I played this on an emulator, so I can't really give an
accurate rating on how the controls respond, although they seem to work
great on a computer), the game itself isn't as fun as Kaboom!,
plus it's harder and less rewarding as well.
The gameplay is like this: Coco starts tossing coconuts at you. He must
have escaped from a government institution as the result of being the
victim of the usual experiment gone wrong, as he (somehow) is able to
teleport at lightning speed (after getting past a couple of levels) in
between the two onscreen palm trees. He starts tossing nuts at you
(maybe he thinks you're a nerd with the brown shoes, or a nerd because
of the mostly-matching umbrella and all) and you must dodge them; if he
hits you once, you lose your umbrella, another hit takes away your hat,
and then getting beaned a third time means it's the end of the game for
you, so go back to picking up chicks then, you stud-monster (cough,
choke) you.
The game isn't as amusing as catching bombs as on Kaboom!,
though, as it's more fun to catch bombs on that game rather than
avoiding them on here, and it's difficult to reach a multiple of 500
points in order to earn your hat or umbrella back. Within no time at all
Coco is jumping from tree to tree so blindingly fast he's probably going
to cause a fissure in the space/time continuum and end up warping on
board the Enterprise with Kirk and all (and tell Spock I said hi and to
loosen up).
On the flip side of the nail-biting gameplay, the sounds are also
decent, with Stanley's feet pattering around and Coco's noises that he
makes, and then there's the (aforementioned) pause in between waves,
although it's a bit of a strange one: Coco just starts bouncing up and
down while making a kind of clicking noise...but he doesn't jump from
tree to tree any more. A bit bizarre, but at least it's GOT a pause
until you activate your controller.
The game is addicting for a while, but even though I've yet to hit even
5,000 points on Kaboom!, I can still play it from time to time,
all these years later...whereas on Coconuts, I deleted the ROM in
less than one day of downloading it (like I'm *supposed* to anyway
[rolls eyes]). But like I said earlier, I might eventually get a copy of
this game anyway, just to have a complete Telesys collection, once I
acquire the other games that I'm currently missing.
Almost a nice try, guys. I would've rated the game a little higher if
there weren't the better-constructed games before it of Kaboom!
and Lost Luggage, but not by much. Oh well. Five out of six games
being decent isn't bad! But this game is.
"Only half the fun, but just half the price of Kaboom!" the print
ads for this game could've read, which might have suckered a few people
into buying it just to see if it was as blah as it sounded (although it
would've also attracted the attention of Activision's lawyers, so I
guess Telesys was better off in that regard). Down with monkeys!
Game Data |
Scores
|
| Title |
Coconuts |
Graphics |
95% |
| Publisher |
Telesys |
Sound/Music |
80% |
| Genre |
Action |
Gameplay |
75% |
| System |
2600 |
Control |
N/A% |
|
|
Overall |
58% |
)
)
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